Dr. Damiso A. Josey: Success from turbulence using my lived experiences to help students succeed.

Join us for a special interview with Dr. Damiso A. Josey. Dr. Josey will share his story of success from a turbulent past, and how he uses his lived experiences to help students succeed.

Through a turbulent past, Dr. Damiso A. Josey learned to analyze the experiences of his life and to use them as a catalyst for success rather than a reason for failure. Dr. Damiso A. Josey has used his triumph through abuse and personal shortcomings to become a successful educational leader and businessman to give his audience keys to success. He takes his audiences through a flight of emotions landing at a place of success for students, educators and industry professionals. In addition to motivational speaking and keynote addresses, Dr. Josey has worked for the television networks ESPN and ABC, is currently an Elementary Assistant Principal, Creator/Director of the non-profit organization Arts Equality Inc., Founder of The Empowerment Perspective Group (Educational Consulting and Motivational Speaking) and author of the self-retrospective book Life Music. Dr. Damiso A. Josey is a graduate of Temple University, he holds a Master of Education from University of Scranton and a doctorate for Educational Leadership with the University of New England. 

Transcript

Guy Stephens: 0:13

Well, hello and welcome. And I guess, given the time of year, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays. Happy New Year. We have a lot of things that are here and coming up. And I want to welcome you. And thank you for joining us today for another alliance against seclusion and restraint live podcast series. Of course, my name is Guy Stevens, you may notice that I am not in my usual place. And that's because I'm actually traveling right now I'm down in sunny Florida, which is much warmer than it would be at my home in Maryland. Although everybody down here seems to think it's cold. I'll take the 65 seven degree weather and call it summer for me, the less so I'm joining you from someplace different than usual. So if anything technically goes wrong, we'll roll with it because that's how we work here. I of course, am the founder and executive director of the alliance against seclusion restraint. Organization, we started nearly four years ago. And of course, the Alliance really was developed initially around the issue of restraint seclusion happening in schools across the country, of course, that's restraint, seclusion, suspension, expulsion, corporal punishment, all the things that are often being done to kids very often the name of behavior, and we are on a mission or a mission is about educating the public and trying to connect people together, trying to change policies and laws and practice, trying to ultimately reduce the use of punitive discipline, and hopefully, the school to prison pipeline, and ultimately safer schools for students, teachers and staff. So as usual, I am always excited about our guests. We have a lot of special guests joining us for this program. And I have Dr. Domenico, a Josie joining me today. And I actually had the opportunity to meet him, gosh, over the summertime and I'll talk to you about more about that in just a moment. But he has a really interesting history. He's a school principal, but has done many amazing things in his life. And when I met him after spending the better part of a week, I'm like, I've got to have you on our podcast. So really excited to have him joining us today. So I'm going to go ahead and bring him up and read through and tell you a little bit about his background. So let me give you kind of a little bit of an overview here and then we'll introduce him and get started. So as I mentioned, I met Dr. Demento, a Josie at a training event that we both attended in New Jersey. And I'm going to share a little bit of his background here. It says through a turbulent past that he learned to analyze the experiences of his life and use them as a catalyst for success rather than a reason for failure. Dr. dummy's so a Josie has used his triumph through abuse and personal shortcomings. To become a successful educational leader and businessman to give his audiences keys to success. He takes his audiences through a flight of emotions, landing at a place of success for students, educators and industry professionals. In addition to motivational speaking and keynote addresses, Dr. Josie has worked for the television networks ESPN and ABC is currently an elementary Assistant, Assistant Principal, creator, director of a nonprofit organization arts equality, Inc, and a founder of the empowerment perspective podcast, which is educational consulting and motivational speaking, and the author of the self retro respective book, Life. Music. Dr. Denisa, Josie is a graduate of Temple University holds a master's of education from the University of Scranton, and a Doctorate of for educational leadership with the University of New England. And in addition to that, as somebody that I had the privilege of meeting and spending the better part of a weekend in New Jersey, as we were attending LSI training, which is lifespaces crisis intervention. And during that time, learn that he was a really amazing person with a really interesting background. You know, we got in these conversations about things that you had done, and they were just really amazing. So Dr. Josie, welcome. And thank you for joining us today.

Dr. Damiso A. Josey: 4:08

Thank you. Thank you for that awesome introduction.

Guy Stephens: 4:11

Absolutely. So I know that you are traveling as well. So we both probably spent a little bit of our time on Interstate 95 here recently, which is no fun, and it was no fun for me the day after Christmas. So I appreciate you working, working around your schedule to still be able to meet with us here today. I want to start out just again, you know, a little bit of when when we met you know, I found out that you were doing a lot of things and had a really interesting history of things that you've done. So you know, you had gone from working in television, to working in education and it made a lot of transitions. But one of the things that you you talk about both through your podcast and you know, in the through the things that you've done is, you know your past and kind of how you You had a you know, you know, I know that we spent a week together, talking about kids that are impacted by trauma that are impacted by adversity. I wonder if you might share a little bit about your past with us, because I think it helps people to understand because very often is we saw as we spent some time together over the summer, sometimes we're making judgments and decisions about people without really understanding where they've been and what they've come through. And, you know, I think a lot of, you know, what, what I heard you say, when you were sharing throughout our our week, was, you know, really kind of, you know, understanding and supporting people, and using your own experiences to help you do that. So, tell us a little bit of kind of about your past, and then get into a little bit about, you know, how that shaped who you are.

Dr. Damiso A. Josey: 5:48

Right, right, you mentioned I was wanting to grow. So the interesting point right now is I just left my father, and I'll get back to that in because it's a really important piece to my story, I went to go visit him in North Carolina, which is why I'm now in Virginia. But I grew up, I have two older brothers that are twins. And at first, my mother and father were together and you know those things, and we lived a traditional American life and both parents were working in, we had a pretty decent life at that point. But unfortunately, my father was addicted to certain things, and ended up leaving my mother, in which time we moved in with my grandmother and my uncle. And even then growing up as a kid, I kind of didn't know what I was going through, I kind of thought it was normal. But my uncle had the same issues that my father's did. And he was kind of like Jekyll and Hyde. So during the day, it was kind of okay, but at night, that's when the monster kind of came out. And he verbally abused us physically abused, me and my brothers, my brothers are four years older than me. So once they left the house, the abuse was focused on me a particular point in time, so I got all of the verbal and the physical and mental abuse for years. And in my book, I tell the story, I had a girlfriend at the time. And it was the first time that I brought it to my house. And it was like, because I was shamed. In my house, we have roaches, we got rats, we had all kinds of stuff at that particular point in time. And I remember the story vividly with heat coming into the house. And I knew it was nighttime. So I knew the monster was coming through the door, or something my girlfriend was there, he comes in, long story short, he flips the couch over with her on it. And at that point, I had had it. So we're talking, I'm gonna say close to 12 years of abuse at this particular point in time. So I went to the kitchen, and I went got a knife, and I was going to end his life, it was between me and him at that particular point in time. By the grace of God, my mother walks in and I hear, say my money and telling me to leave and she didn't walk into that room at that particular time, I wouldn't be standing here having this discussion with you. So we did eventually leave the house. But mental health wasn't a big thing, especially in the black neighborhoods growing up, so I didn't talk to anybody about but I was still dealing with the demons. I was waking up cold sweats, nightmares all through college. At this point, I haven't really talked to my father. But something spoke to me and said, invite him to your college graduation. So I invited him to my college graduation, he comes down by this time, he's putting himself up pretty good. And we had a conversation in my mother's basement at the time. And he said, he wanted to apologize for not being a part of my life. And then the light bulb goes off in my head. And I said, You know what, I thanked him. And I said, I'm not thanking you for the apology. I'm actually thanking you for not being a part of my life, because your absence kind of taught me how to be a real father. I know what I know what I had an image of what it was not supposed to be. And you provided that for me. So and that's where the power perspective kind of comes from flipping things that happened using it as a positive. So ever since that particular moment, we had a great night, we have a great relationship. As I mentioned, that just left him. So we were able to mend that relationship. And I was able to start flipping things on his ear a little bit, I started looking at all the guys in their neighborhood in regards to education. And my uncle who abused me was big on hating education, called the pen, the fountain pen. And it was a whole bunch of stuff. So I knew if I didn't want to be like him, I had to do the opposite of what they did. So this isn't the drive of going to school and getting a doctorate and things of that nature came into play. So you know, I'm still as an adult, 46 years old, still dealing with some of the trauma that I went through and trying to deal with that. I've been to several several therapists up there with all kinds of trials and tribulations, but it still haunts me, and it still bothers me. And you know, and having that experience and being able to work through it. I'm able to relate to a lot of students and and people that go through trauma and giving them some tools on how you can make it out of it. And one of the biggest tools that I've learned was to you can't sometimes change your situation, but you can change how you look at it. And that's kind of how I kind of maneuver through life. So that's the short short a condensed version of

Guy Stephens: 10:04

can I ask you where you were when you were, you know, younger? You know, you talk about graduating from from college. But you know, growing up in the situation you're growing up in, how did that affect your earlier education? How did that affect, you know, whether it was elementary or middle school or high school? You know, how were you doing, then were you having a hard time come out,

Dr. Damiso A. Josey: 10:27

I'm going to tell this story at some point in the form of a book or documentary, but I was fortunate enough to grow up with several black men that were same age as me that were in the same situation, and we kind of supported each other. And it's kind of unheard of at this point, because out of the 20 of us, and 30 of us that were together, and when I'm not gonna lie to you, all of us are successful, either where they are doctors, basketball players, entertainers, engineers, and it kind of the neighborhood that we kind of grew up in, you know, took the village, all the fathers were going to the mother kind of mothers took that role, but he said you only have each other. So we kind of made that bond. And when it came to education, because also sports too, we kind of pushed and leaned on each other, none of us knew how to navigate those waters, none of us had the blueprint, so we kind of would just kind of figure it out all together. And I was just having this conversation with my good friend Demetrius pose. And I was like, I didn't want to be the one that failed, I didn't want to be the one in the neighborhood that failed. So that kind of was the push. And then like I said, my, my brother's a little bit older than me. So they kind of saw, you know, that they went to college. And I was like, I guess I have to go to college. That's what everyone else in the neighborhood is doing. So it was kind of trial by Eric type thing. But my mother was on air, she was listed that everyone would say that I was the smartest of the my brothers, but I never applied myself, like I would literally just go to school, went study and say, well, I need to get a 73 on this test to get a B. So let me just get this 73. And you know, but I didn't have anybody to say that you are an intelligent person, this is you could push yourself and, and do great things outside of, you know, the kids that were kids themselves. And I was looking up to as father figure. So then kind of in my mother was a school teacher. So that helped a little bit, but it wasn't like she was down my throat saying you got to get your stuff done. I wanted to play basketball. So

Guy Stephens: 12:16

yeah. And it's really interesting. I mean, it sounds like an amazing, you know, the peer group that you had, I mean, sounds amazing. And unfortunately, the end, that's a story we don't often hear, I mean, we often hear about kids getting kind of pulled into the wrong groups and, you know, finding family and finding, you know, connection with, you know, groups of kids that aren't helping them. So I mean, it's really amazing.

Dr. Damiso A. Josey: 12:40

Well, no, we did have like people that we were associated with that were into drugs and violence and stuff like that. But that group even saw us as being special and was like you, we're not going to be a part of this, we'll protect you, but you're not going to be a part of what was going on. So it was a really interesting group of people that we grew up with, that I'm still friends with to this day, with Rowan University with Demetrius polls, and he was one of the guys that I grew up with. So it was it was an interesting understanding within the community. And I think that's what's lacking a lot right now is that that sense of community and understanding that, you know, that raising the, you know, take the child to raise a village type thing, it was really missing right now, in today's world.

Guy Stephens: 13:24

You know, in thinking back, I mean, and again, it sounds like you had, you know, quite a fortunate situation, and having, you know, the, like you said, the village, the, you know, the the family, the connection, the people that were there supporting you? What about in school? I mean, did you find teachers, you know, you mentioned in you were like, well, cuz I can relate to this, you know, or, you know, kind of feeling like, I never really had to work hard to do fine. You know, I probably could have done better if I had, you know, applied myself in some cases, but I can definitely relate to those kinds of things. But did you have any educators that made a positive difference for you, kind of a

Dr. Damiso A. Josey: 14:03

long list? I mean, there was like, pieces, I wouldn't necessarily say that there was one teacher that was like, that I actually had made a positive impact. I did have a coach, when I tell him, I got to high school that made a tremendous impact, who I still talk to him to this day, Coach King, and I tell the story every time I go to speak, and I tell him, you know, educators, we got to stop putting these students in a box. So if you saw me back in high school, I had the red bandana on I had this red flannel shirt on, you would think that I was in a gang, but that was just the way that we dressed and I was so far from the gangster. So people looked at our neighborhood like we were some tough guys and gang members and stuff like that. But this one guy, Mr. King, I remember him he just, I never had him as a teacher, but he came to our neighborhood and embraced us. And I thought, well, here's this little short white guy that comes into our neighborhood. It didn't see me as a gangster and talk basketball. Math and Science to me, I'm, I run through a brick wall fan right now. So that tells educators all the time we got to stop thinking about these kids when what our perception is right and really get to know our students and become students of our students. Now, this story I'm gonna share, it's kind of related to Mr. King was, I used to carry this book bag all the time. And teachers would always ask me what's in the book bag, and I would say books and stuff like that. But the truth of the matter is, I had pair clothes, shoes, and things because I didn't know whether I had to run at night or not, because of my uncle. So by Mr. King asking me one day, what was actually in it, he took the time to ask me what was actually in there and came to my neighborhood. I told him the true story. And you know, and then later, years later, he kind of found out what I went through. But on the outside, no one kind of knew, because I thought it was normal. But here's this person that didn't put me in his box. They cared enough to, you know, reach me on a level that I can understand that I really, you know, there was a couple elementary school teachers that I get bits and pieces of stories from at one. I think it was first grade, her name was Miss hanoks. And when you get in trouble in school in elementary school, they used to put you on the wall and at recess, so you had to watch the other kids play. So the one day she claims that I didn't do this homework. I'm swearing up a dad was hated. did his homework I handed it in? No, you got you standing on the wall. Years later, when she retired, she moves his cabinet. Behind that cabinet was my homework. Oh, no. Oh, every single every time I see it, so there's bits and pieces of people that made small impacts. But I would say Mr. Kane pie was the only one that I can say that really, really fit that

Guy Stephens: 16:44

role. Yeah. So what did you What did you go to college for initially?

Dr. Damiso A. Josey: 16:48

So as I mentioned, I have two older brothers. So one smart guy goes to be an engineer, electrical engineer, my middle brother wanted to get initially into communications. I had no idea I just wanted to go play sports in college, and I wanted to go to temple. So I go to temple West, I have to pick a major. So I'm also go into broadcast to telecommunication and mass media, it was a great school for you know, and I thought about Bill Cosby and all those people that went to temple and I was like, Okay, let me say, now I started falling in love with with TV initially. So that kind of I just didn't want to be like my brothers, I guess at the end of the day is what I was trying to accomplish at some point.

Guy Stephens: 17:27

Well, and of course, those are roads that always have lots of twists and turns. And that's one of the things that made me so interested in you is I, I find people that have kind of taken these these, you know, kind of sometimes indirect paths, some of the most interesting people. And I'll tell you, I was also a TV radio film major initially, I ended up changing my major into biology later. But I started off a CD TV radio film, which of course, I don't even know that TV radio film is even a thing anymore. Probably YouTube a you know, but anyway. So where did you end up after college? What what what happened next?

Dr. Damiso A. Josey: 18:03

So actually, I had this come My mother was a school teacher always had this, I guess leadership quality within me in terms of education, I was always the one that was trying to get people together, all through my life. And I kind of knew like there was a seed inside of me and I but I kind of wanted to ignore it because I wanted to go do this TV thing. So I graduate Temple University, and I just start putting resumes out everywhere. I must have put out like 100 200 resumes and I got like three responses. One of them happened to be ESPN, in Bristol, Connecticut. And then I was like I said, a long shot, whatever. But once they told me that they were paying for the hotel for me to stay in. Before the interview, I said I got this thing I have to do is go up there and not screw this up. I definitely have this job. So long story short, I get the job at ESPN. And everybody's thinking, Oh, great ESPN. But back in the day, I was only making $28,000 a year working at ESPN. But they gave you all the perks on the sun. But looking back on it. I'm like, we're all about surviving off at $28,000 a year. So that's kind of how I got into television kind of got lucky with it. And and then once my foot was in the door, I kind of knew that, you know, I would try to push the envelope a little bit. And then what happened was ABC is owned by I'm sorry, Disney owns ABC and ESPN. So I had an opportunity to become an operations manager at ABC in New York City. So I take the take the opportunity to do a significant pay increase in New York City and at the time, I think I was like 23 and I was a manager at this big network. It was crazy. So I worked there for a couple years. And then unfortunately 911 happened. I actually saw the second tower scroll down at that story two, which adds to my trauma as well. We had put reportedly anthrax in the building. The interesting story is depending on which way I went to work, I Um, I was supposed to go to work that day, I could have been on a train that was actually caught underneath the buildings when it collapsed. But by the grace of God, it didn't take that train. And by the time I was getting leave the city was shut down at that point anyway.

Guy Stephens: 20:18

Yeah. So, you know, you have you have a, you know, a tough childhood, and you have a lot of trauma. And, you know, you get this peer group, and somehow, you and your friends really defied a lot of the odds in terms of what can happen when, when this happens. And you went on to college, and you gotta I mean, and in fact, I have to think that even if the salary might not have been what you wanted, at the time, saying you work for ESPN had to sound great, right?

Dr. Damiso A. Josey: 20:48

I got to watch sports all day.

Guy Stephens: 20:52

Yeah, and then move into a management job and, you know, eight for ABC, certainly a really successful road that you're on. How did that road then get education? Because, you know, I met you as a principal. And it's like, well, how do you go from ESPN and ABC? So tell me, how did that come about?

Dr. Damiso A. Josey: 21:13

So as I mentioned, I always had this feeling like, I feel like everyone has a purpose in life. And that's the thing that comes to you so easy, that you don't really have to think about it. And for me, you know, bringing people together educating people in different forms, it was easy for me without even trying, then I started coaching basketball, and started volunteering and doing these things. But the 911 experience, kind of put a motor on my back to switch gears. Because I made as I mentioned, the second tower fall down and everything and what really turned it, my girlfriend was down in South Jersey at the time, and no one could get in contact with me because the phones were all dead. So I'm walking down to Hoboken to try to get the train back to New Jersey, when I get down there. All the people are coming from New York City, they're covered in soot, or, you know, bleeding and things of that nature. And when I was watching the tower fall down, I thought it was pieces of the building, falling like debris. But when I looked at the documentary, these were actually people that were jumping off buildings, to try to save their lives. So this this, that scene was kind of like a movie. So at that point, I was like, I have to do something different. It was to the point where I was going into the office, and you know, threats of anthrax and my girlfriend at the time had baby powder and was using it and spilled some on the sink. And I had a full blown panic attack, not knowing what you know that substance were no. And now I'm like, that was stupid. Well, obviously, because of that breaks, but that's where my mind went. So I was like, I have to make a change. Luckily for me, there was my high school. He was a principal at the time was now the superintendent at this high school in Hamilton, New Jersey that was building this new high school. And they were building this TV studio. So I said it was the perfect world for me, well, I can do TV, and I can teach and blend it all together. So he asked me to come down and I got a teaching job created a curriculum for television and film three different levels. And it kind of started to blow up a little bit within that system. So that's how I kind of got to that particular point and education.

Guy Stephens: 23:17

And through that, then you went from kind of starting this program to you know, eventually taking kind of a principal role. I mean, how did that evolve? How did you go from I mean, and I mean, really, I mean, what a what an interesting entryway and education to start with, right?

Dr. Damiso A. Josey: 23:33

So go back a little bit, because in the beginning, you talked about the nonprofit arts equality, and this is the transition between teaching and being a principal. So arts equality actually started as a 10 day film challenge. So I had a buddy Gary Joseph, who him and his friends were big into filmmaking, like little bits of film stuff. And they were telling me about this 48 Hour Film challenge that they used to go to we had 48 hours to make a film, you had to use a proper dialogue, and you had to edit these things. And you had to and it was like a showcase or whatever. So I got to think and I said, Well, how can I assess my teaching? How do I really know what the teacher is no one in that school knew anything about television, it did anything, and they wouldn't have no idea what I was doing.

Guy Stephens: 24:14

Wow, you're amazing. Yeah.

Dr. Damiso A. Josey: 24:16

So I say, You know what, I'm gonna take this 48 hour challenge and make it 10 days. So I gave the students 10 days, I'm not going to touch it. Yeah, they, I'm gonna give them their prop their character, their line of dialogue and their parameters and see what they can do in 10 days. And then when it's done, I'm gonna put them at the time in our auditorium to watch their movies like and give out awards. So the kids loved it. I figured out where I can change my teaching a little bit. So then I said, Let me expand this a little bit. So me and my buddy Gary Joseph started to solicit other schools in New Jersey. So now we're taking these kids and putting them in actually movie theaters, watching their movies and eating popcorn and movie theaters. And we said why stop there? We turned into a nonprofit, RC quality, and we ended up being at nine Different countries COVID Hit unfortunately, and that kind of derailed everything. But it blew up to that point, we were flying people into Philadelphia for our national competition at the Constitution Center. So I took a look at all that and said, How can I impact students in a bigger scale? Because I already had students coming in my classroom at lunch study hall to spend time with me, we're having real conversations, real life conversation, and these are the so called Bad people to school and the teachers would say, soccer shots would never ever worked for me, how do you get that I had to kick people out of my classroom, like, Alright, it's time for you to go home. It was their safe haven. So I started thinking like, How can I impact even more people, other than the 100 people that I saw every year in my classroom, and then even these strangers that flew in for a week, or whatever the case may be, and I kind of leaned to, alright, let me go back and get my master's, again, education thing, thinking I need to be better than everybody in my neighborhood and do the opposite thing. And Educational Leadership kind of seemed like the right path to do it. So I eventually get my masters and I eventually get my first assistant principal job at a middle school in a competition. So that's kind of the transition that took me to that point.

Guy Stephens: 26:16

So I just want to take a quick break here and mention to folks that if you're watching live, and I know there's a number of people watching live right now. Tell us who you are and where you're from. And I'll just share with you real quickly. Some people have already done that. And we've got a restaurant here Nicole, paraprofessional and advocate from New Jersey. We've got Trisha here from Idaho, and they're actually working in Idaho to get a better laws passed around restraint, seclusion, corporal punishment, they still allow corporal punishment in Idaho, friend Michelle Zephyr in Nebraska, joining us, and it's not unusual. And you know, I haven't made this claim yet. But uh, it's not unusual, we typically tend to have kind of an international audience. And we often have people from the UK and New Zealand and Australia. So if any of you folks are out there, I know, it's, it's now, Friday morning, over in Australia, New Zealand. If any of you are up early and watching, make sure you say hello in the chat. It's always nice when you know, I say that, then they pop on. So we do have people joining us kind of from across the world. So you know, what an interesting path that you've been on with all of this. And arts equality. I just am going to share the link to that in the chat here as well. That's arts equality, that org, is that correct? Yes. Okay, I'll share that. And I remember after we met going and kind of looking at some of the the projects that were up there, it really interesting. So you get into leadership, you get into a vice principal position. Now, once you got into education, was mom proud?

Dr. Damiso A. Josey: 27:51

I'm always supportive and proud of the decisions that we made. I guess, secretly, she was happy because my other brother my middle brother, also wouldn't the education. So we're education family. So she was basically like, what are you waiting for? Tight, tight?

Guy Stephens: 28:10

What took you so long? Right. Yeah. That's great. That's great. So you know, let's talk about, you know, given given Well, let's start with higher level. One of the things that we know, in terms of education right now, one, it's a tough time, right? It's a tough time for the teachers is a tough time for the kids, it's a tough time for the administrators. You know, we knew, I think, and I'm sure that you were, you know, kind of filled with a little bit of anxiety and dread about, you know, after COVID, getting back to school, knowing kids had been out of the classroom, knowing that things were going to be potentially tough. And of course, you know, we weren't disappointed. I mean, people came back with, you know, anxiety, trauma, you know, you know, not having opportunities to attain some of the social skills they might have attained. It's a tough time, it's a tough time, we're seeing educators leaving, we're seeing, you know, challenging situations in the classroom, we're seeing a lot of stress related behavior is a tough time out there right now in education. You know, I know that you bring along with you, you know, kind of a trauma aligned approach in terms of understanding the impacts of adversity. How do you, as you know, as a principal, how are you helping people through this difficult time? I mean, you know, I know that sometimes, and I remember talking to you a little bit about this, but when things are going badly, and, you know, we're seeing an increase in behaviors, you know, they're gonna be coming to you and say, We need to suspend or expel or do whatever we need to do to this kid. And of course, you know, we know a lot of those things aren't really working for kids are helpful to kids. So how are you kind of managing For these difficult times,

Dr. Damiso A. Josey: 30:01

the number one thing that I think any leader can do, because you're a leader, like everyone's gonna look up to you for the decisions, they're gonna feed off your energy, they're gonna feed off your focus. So one of the things I try to pride myself on is just being even keeled through everything, no matter the highs and lows, whatever what I am was just, you know, very even keel because I think, like I said, people will feed off the energy and the culture and the climate of your, your school, in your community, there's going to feed off and when they're gone, these kids are going to look to you and turn to you as No, what do we do? How do I respond to this, right, so I can't respond myself in a negative way. I may do it in private, I may, you know, exercise and do certain things to alleviate my own stress. But that's, that's number one. Number two, again, the primer perspective is about turning everything on his ear. So I always look at, there's a positive in all of this right now. And we then teachers, you have a whole new toolbox of technology that you can use the reach that we've learned when we were virtual, and all those things, let's not forget the things that we learned because of what happened and what we went through. So I tried to turn things into positive and trying to get things I don't know, like using getting back to normal, because some of the things that we were doing before it wasn't working, was a prime opportunity, it was a prime opportunity for us to fix things that are broken. And one of the big things that we need to go back to, or one of the big things we need to focus on is relationship building. Education is all about relationship building. So now these kids, and his parents need us to be you know, more open and need us to be more connected to them and understand them. You know, to me, I could care less if you can have one plus one is two, right? But can I get you to come to school can I can keep your mind to be healthy, can I get you to get to a space where you're actually learning and hoping to receptive to, you know, the concepts that I'm trying to teach you without getting to that point, it's irrelevant, like, you're never going to teach a kid to their potential. So those are the things that I kind of look to do. And then you know, always, I'm always looking for trying to add value, you know, to an organization. So some of the things that I've done was taking these kids and using them, this opportunity to provide community service for people. So now these kids are, we did this project where we watched the movie and had a discussion and they created these local, these presets, these words of encouragement for local hospital workers. And that was like, well, they're going through it way worse than what we are as educators. So now these kids, the whole entire school credit messages, and we went around to all the local hospitals, and they were so appreciative to what we were doing. So again, taking this opportunity to create, you know, positives out, I mean, it is what it is, we're not going to change it right. So we have to figure out how we could use it as a positive and, and lead these kids into a great direction.

Guy Stephens: 32:51

You said a couple things that the course, you know, really, really connect with me, and I think probably a number of our viewers as well, of course talking about relationship, you know, and you know, I mean, I always jokingly say that the three R's of education are relationship relationship relationship. However, I mean, you know, I'm guessing that you probably sometimes hear the same things that we hear, which are, we don't have time to build relationships. You know, and one of the things that always comes to my mind, and of course, I'm not in a role like yours, but you know, if you have 25 kids in your class, you know, 21 of them may be, you know, able to succeed without needing the same thing that the other four might need. I mean, some kids I think, are probably even much more dependent on needing that stability in that relationship. And while I think it's great to have relationships with everybody, you know, you don't necessarily have to have, you know, you know, start out on day one and have, but how do you how do you shift people's mindsets? I mean, how do you, you know, thinking about young teachers that might come in and work in your school? You know, or even people that have been there for a while, that feel well, we just need people to follow the rules. You know, we often hear a lot of you know, people well, let me start with one question, which is, how do you how do you really get to people the importance of the power of relationships, and understanding that, you know, it's something you don't have time not to do?

Dr. Damiso A. Josey: 34:24

Let's take a humanistic perspective, right? Regardless of age, we look at us as as human as adults, right? There's two things that I'm completely certain that people don't learn from people that they don't like, right, and people don't go places where they don't like to go to. So right off the bat, those two things are super important and precedes everything else. So I have to create an environment where the student wants to come and feel safe. And I have to create a relationship or some sort of relationship to where the student feels safe enough to be able to explore and not feel like you know, they're less than anything. So those are the Two things did you buy? You can't run an educational institution without, without those those things, even from just I look at the term relationships, right? In terms of just in general, why do we have relationships, we want to feel loved, we want to feel wanted, right? Those are some of the foundational things of relationship. But in order to get to that, the work of building a relationship has to happen, right. So in order for us to get the kids to become successful in the classroom with successful people, and willing to take challenges at risk is we have to do the work of building that relationship. And it's small things, it doesn't have to be that you're sitting down for hours with these students and trying to figure out, you're not a psychologist, right, you're not trying to break down these things. You're just trying to make a connection. So one of the things that I do, and I give this to all the educational leaders is every single day, I go around and give kids that fist bump. And if they need to talk to me to give me a handshake, it's very no one knows, this is between me and them, everyone comes up to me gives me a fist bump the morning, Dr. Jones, good morning. And every once in a while student shakes my hand, I'll keep going. And I'll come back around at some point in the day and have this discussion 99.9% of the time, the kid is gonna talk about your dog died or ran away, or something, you know, something along those lines. But every once in a while students want to tell you why I'm having this problem with bla bla bla bla. And I could cut off half of my discipline issues more than half by having those simple conversations. It's to the point now and the people in the community are giving and also giving me fist bumps and handshakes as I go by to them. So those are very simple, basic, basic things of building relationships with students, three morning circles, the basic relationship building.

Guy Stephens: 36:46

Yeah, that's great. You know, I was thinking and as you were talking about the fist bump, my daughter, and I think we have, we have daughters that are about the same age, if I'm not mistaken. But my daughter is 13 now, and she is in middle school, of course. And I take her to school, she usually is a car rider, we don't live far from the school and I drop her off. And we have a guy that we affectionately call fist bump guy. And you know, in the mornings, a fist bump guys out there, he gives every kid that walks in a fist bump. And it may seem like a little thing. But it makes a positive impression. Like, here's somebody that cares as I walked through the door, little things can mean so much. And like she gets excited. She's like, Oh, this fist bump guy. I mean, she knows his name too, but kind of become how he's known is as a fist bump guy,

Dr. Damiso A. Josey: 37:31

well think of it from I still deal with elementary aged kids. So you have these kids that are little. And my school's got almost 900 students in it, you add the adults around the world, Rick house is big building with all these people with all this stuff going on all the stimulus stimuli and stimulation going on. Who can this person is little child come to, to for comfort, who can they come to to help them navigate and break down those things. It shouldn't be every single adult that's in the building. Right? That's a part of relationship building. It's a part of the Creating a culture and the climate and the community that chose love and care and things of that nature. And these kids soak it up and they appreciate. One of the things I love to do for adults is I go to wildlife all the time, if you're from a different state or country, it's like a little convenience store with gas and stuff like that. And what I do is I go in there, and I look for somebody who don't think that I would do something nice for them. Usually this is somebody that has the mean look on their face. I mean, they're having a bad day. And I'll simply buy a coffee and walk out the spooler sometimes they notice me sometimes they don't notice me. But the times that I do see them their face in their life completely changed by a simple act of kindness, that I completely changed their day by simply buying him $1 $50 $2 Coffee. And it completely changes their day. And they're so appreciative. So that little fist bump in the morning, imagine what that's doing for that child. And how is he leading that that feeling and that love for, for the space that they're

Guy Stephens: 39:01

in? Yeah, I love what you said earlier, too, because I think this is so true that all of us, all of us, whether we're kids or adults, or whoever it may be, you know, we're our best with people that we like people that, you know, we do our best work for people that we like, you know, I mean, all that relationships are important. And I think authentic, genuine relationship. It's not a matter of, you know, I sometimes hear things like therapeutic report and I'm like, Well, no, it's not just you know, pretending to have relationship. Kids are the first ones to see right through something that's not legitimate, right?

Dr. Damiso A. Josey: 39:32

Yeah, absolutely. I was gonna say that was like sometimes, like sometimes there's people that you just not gonna get along, don't worry about it, right? But you can still show them that you're gonna be there and care when they're ready to receive it. And then, you know, there's there's people and their students that you know, I don't necessarily I'm oil in water, you know, with but that doesn't mean stop trying and, and trying to make a connection. There's something that I can connect with them when it comes up. But you're not going to let everybody everybody's not gonna like you.

Guy Stephens: 39:59

So So how long have you been in your current role?

Dr. Damiso A. Josey: 40:02

Um, so I did six years as assistant principal at a middle school, which was fun. And then I'm currently on my fifth year as an elementary assistant principal right now. So I did 13 As a teacher, so I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

Guy Stephens: 40:17

So, you know, in kind of the approach that you have, you know, thinking about relationships, thinking about, you know, connection. You know, if we think about, you know, discipline, we think about students that are, that are having a hard time that are struggling, that are having big behaviors, you know, and that certainly is a lot of, you know, a lot of our young ones, who may be, you know, having difficult experiences, you know, at home, they may be coming from environments where they're subjected to abuse, or they don't have the things that they need. You know, we know that we have kids that are coming from a lot of different situations in our classrooms. And that sometimes is leading to, you know, big behaviors. And then, of course, there's sometimes this this idea that, well, the behaviors need to be punished, right there. There needs to be, there needs to be discipline, but but discipline often means its consequence. And, of course, as a principal or vice principal, you know, very often you're in that position. I know from having talked to you in the past that, you know, that. Well, I've got a good sense, I think of where your mind is on some of this, but you know, the the negative things that are often done to kids, you know, especially kids that are kids that are going through trauma, or have, you know, that kind of history aren't aren't helpful. So, you know, how are you? You know, how do you handle? Because, you know, I even look at the word discipline is, is, you know, Laurie Desautels, who we've had on several times, written several books, talks about, in fact, work with Michael McKnight, who we both spent some time with him in New Jersey. Lori talks about discipline, you know, the kind of the root word meaning to teach, right? It's not about punishing, but it's about how do we teach? So what's your approach regarding some of that big behavior? And how do you, you know, how do you support the kids, I'm sure that you've gotten kids, that by the time they've gotten to, you have been pretty dysregulated. So what are your approaches in terms of helping kids that are having, you know, having a difficult time,

Dr. Damiso A. Josey: 42:20

right, I subscribe to that definition, that discipline is supposed to be about teaching, we are an educational institution. So we're supposed to be teaching these these students, it's a tricky line, because there's so many different factors that are involved in a student getting sent to my office, right. And a lot of the time, it's a, I don't want to say a cultural thing. But it is a cultural thing. Sometimes these students behaviors are okay in their settings at home, and then they get placed into the school. And so contrary to what they've been taught, so for example, in the African American community, we are good for call and response. You go to church, that preachers up their preaching, we hear that people say, Amen, are you ordered movie theater, they're talking to the screen or talking back to the screen, that same child is placed inside of a classroom and gets discipline for calling out. It's confusing to the right. So the educational pieces, all right, my hands are tied, because I have to follow the code of conduct to a certain extent, there's some gray area there in terms of what I can do in terms of even a detention lunch detentions, and school suspensions, etc, etc. So, but at the end of the day, my job is to teach that student in any space that you go, and there's rules that you're going to need to follow, some of those rules are going to be aligned with what you're used to. Some of them are not just like, if you were to come over to my house, I might ask you to take the shoes off, that's just the rules of my house, your visitor my house, you got to kind of follow those rules, because that's, that's my house, you might not follow those rules there. But the teaching part is huge. So when I do give that detention, lunch detention, even in school, when I have to, I very rarely get about school suspensions, because I don't think they work. But there are certain cases where I have to talk about that later. But there's always a restorative justice piece to it. There's always continuing conversations, there's always counseling that goes along with it. Obviously, parent contact, sometimes parent counseling that goes along with it. So some people may only see that 32nd interaction of Oh, you have this detention. But me, they're coming back to my office, either my guidance counselor or I'm sitting down with them, and we are talking to them working through why this was inappropriate in this particular setting and why we ought to do better and move forward. And what I found is that that approach, it didn't so I might repeat offenders have been cut probably by in half, because over the last, you know, six years that I've been focusing on that because, again, it's a caring environment. I'm not a yeller. I don't Yeah, like I said, I'm always like this. So they, the conversation is I can talk to you and the parents appreciate that. And when I have conversations with parents, I'm the same way and they appreciate they may not necessarily We agree, but they can prove very few parents that I'm actually arguing like, they're yelling and screaming, but they, they kind of get it. So they're learning pieces is huge. The problem I have with this plan in general is their perception is the discipline is not actually for the kid that actually did the Act. The discipline is to appease the teacher be the parent or the other student, they just want something done, they want something done. Right? To me, that's not gonna work, right. suspending the kid is the wrong thing to do, because I'm sending them out to an abusive family and, or they're gonna play Playstation all day. Sometimes I have to keep them in school, because it's what's the point at that? My biggest issue with school discipline is a lot of times it's not to help the child understand that the behavior was incorrect. It's more ease everybody else.

Guy Stephens: 45:54

So you mentioned restorative restorative approaches. Can you tell me a little bit more about kind of what you do in your school in terms of restorative approaches? How you use them? You know, I think we're sort approaches certainly have a lot of the right principles and ideas behind them. We did an interview a few times, well, I guess just once with Joe Brahma who were to grow great book on trauma informed restorative justice, which is really fantastic. And, you know, Joe often has a saying that has caught my mind, which is that, at the end of the day, accountability should feel good. You know, like, you know, making right on something was wrong. But we've also seen restorative programs that kind of go sideways, and they become just another way of of couching discipline. But what kind of things do you do in terms of restorative? And how do you make sure that they're steered in the right direction? Well,

Dr. Damiso A. Josey: 46:45

this goes back to relationship? Well, it does. Restorative justice is a holistic program, right? It has to be a community understood program, for it to be to work effectively, there has to be a sense of community, there has to be a sense of belonging to that community. So when somebody does something wrong to that community, now, you're restoring that relationship, you're restoring that they're placed within that, that community, if you don't have that, you're just putting band aids on stuff, right. So again, the relationship building is a huge piece of this, right? And that culture, and climate is a huge piece of that. So once we some of the things they can learn from, you know, having conversations with students and working through them with empathy, how do you make How did you think the other person feel when you did that felt when you did that, getting to the root cause of why you did what you did, because the behavior itself is a symptom, right? It's there's something that caused you to make this decision to make that thing. So working through those things, to get back to the one to root cause, to see if we need to give you forever counseling, or whatever the case may be. But trying to repair that wrong that you did, within a sense of a community now, just different levels of community. So there's the community of the school or the community at the school sits in the school community. And each individual classroom is a community within itself too, as you break that down as well. So we have to look at and analyze the level of damage that you've done to what level of community and then we have to work and build that program. So sometimes we might have mediations depending on the situation. And, you know, opportunity for apologies and things of that nature I get I'm dealing with elementary age students. So this is a little bit different than high school. Sometimes we bring the parents in and have conferences and and work with them about some strategies that they can work with them at home as well. So it's more of a community holds approach to it. But the empathy at our age is a big thing that we focused on trying to get these kids to be accountable for the action admit that they were wrong because we even adults have issues with admitting that we're wrong.

Guy Stephens: 48:52

never never never made

Dr. Damiso A. Josey: 48:56

this whole situation right person, my

Guy Stephens: 48:58

wife's not here to attest that

Dr. Damiso A. Josey: 49:02

it's been getting that you were wrong. And then figuring out how you made that other person felt. Now how can we repair that that situation? And how can we go in it? Yeah, works, sheets and things that we can go through. But my conversations with them are basically aligned with those things is the teaching part.

Guy Stephens: 49:20

So you mentioned a lot you mentioned community you mentioned, you know, family and caregivers. You know, one of the things you know I was attending a conference last summer and there were a lot of educators that were in the event that I was in and the speaker had asked the audience kind of what their what their number one challenges were. And if you want to take a guess at this, but there was a very clear number one when they were asked what their number one challenge is was in a guess. Hmm.

Dr. Damiso A. Josey: 49:57

I'm gonna be with the TV In terms of, I guess, what they're paid, and everything.

Guy Stephens: 50:06

The response was parents was parents and, and, you know, it kind of surprised me in a way, and then kind of reflected on a bit. But, you know, I think that the approach that you take in, you know, I've heard you kind of make several mentions now of kind of the family. And, you know, one of the things we sometimes hear is when kids are having a hard time, you know, the first the blame goes to the child who, you know, is the only one with the, you know, not fully developed prefrontal cortex who, you know, does not necessarily have the skills to meet the expectations, but then a lot of blame often goes to the parents, you know, and, and I was actually at a meeting a couple months ago, and there was an educational leader there, who stood up and said something to the effect of, well, to address the elephant in the room here. You know, we only have these kids for a limited amount of time, and we don't have any control over what happens to them while they're home. And it almost seemed as a way of saying, well, so why should we try? You know, I mean, that's, that's what I took from the common, which I don't agree with, because I think that even if a kid does come from a situation at home, that is not ideal. If they have a safe place, they can go and be at school, I think that's a really good thing. But But tell me more about because I mean, it sounds like you put a lot of emphasis on I've heard this from other educational leaders, I'm thinking about like Matthew portail, right now, who runs a trauma informed Educators Network, and others who have really talked about extending their approach, whether it be a trauma informed approach, or otherwise, to the families. So tell me how you how you do what you do with with families and parents and how you bring them in and get them? Because I mean, the parents want to be heard and seen and all of those things as well. So how do you do that?

Dr. Damiso A. Josey: 51:51

Well, a few years ago, it's still out there. And but a few years ago, everyone was big on educating the whole child. And I called hogwash on it. Because if you're not addressing this parent and community piece, you're not addressing the whole child, you're only addressing the part of the child that we see every day that's here. So parent meetings are huge. being open and honest with parents is huge. I had a parent in my office, and I was like, you know, I've been tried this, this and this, I don't know how to help your your child, can you help me, we're building this team, what are some of the things that work at home, that I might be able to bring into this classroom, and have those real honest conversations with them. So that's important. Communicating with your parents outside of school is huge, too. I go to events, and they see me out. And as I said, it gave me fist bumps everywhere, but having those connections with them outside of school is huge as well, I had one student that, you know, right, had some difficulty with, and I saw them out, you know, an event and the parent was out there. And it completely changed the perspective of our relationship and having those conversations. Is it true that we can't necessarily always change the parent and their parents? And yes, there's, you know, we're teachers, right? Again, we're not psychologists and things of that nature. But that's an important piece. And that's, there's so much information in that conversation that you can use in your classroom, why not make that connection? Why not understand, again, that behavior is a symptom, whatever, that it can be educational behavior, right? The kid could be struggling in, in math for whatever reason, and you having this conversation with his parents. So then maybe the parent was like, You know what, I struggled in math, too. And now we got this new math, I can't even help my child. And so now you're getting an understanding and a perspective of, okay, now I now how can I set up some systems to help the student outside in his family outside? It could be you know, we come in, in our district where 49%, free and reduced lunch, so maybe they're struggling, finding employment, maybe struggling finding food and things I've gone out and gotten people, at least interviews and trying to help guide is that we have to create a perspective of schools as an asset to the community. Right? A lot of these parents may have had bad experiences with their own personal schooling. So is that us versus them? situation? So we have to start breaking down those barriers, so that these parents see us as an asset and not we make yes, we're educators. But I'm if I can help you to put food on your table so that your child can become a better student, and that's the direction that I'm going to try to go to. And they may only have 180 days to do it. That's the bad part.

Guy Stephens: 54:33

Yeah, so there's a couple of things I want to talk to you about. But I want to I want to kind of wrap up the education bit and then shift into a couple other areas. And again, just thinking about these difficult times thinking about, you know, the fact that we've got more and more educators that have been leaving the field of education, and certainly what we need is we need a lot of really dedicated and caring people you know, in the educational field What would your advice be for a new or a upcoming teacher? What would your advice be in terms of, you know, giving them a, you know, just some some brief input on on their career and moving forward?

Dr. Damiso A. Josey: 55:13

Number one thing is we're in education, right? It's about learning. So you should never ever stop learning, go to as many workshops, pick as many people's brains as you possibly can read as many books. It bothers me, when I see teachers that don't read, like, I'm reading three, four books at a time, all the time. And you know, and I would say, continue to learn and master your craft, you're not going to get it right, in the first five years of year, year career, there's gonna be some challenges and you're gonna have some horror stories that lead to it. Number one thing would be to be a lifelong learner. Number two is you got to understand too, is don't take a lot of this stuff personally. Like it's not an attack on us that it attacks on your ability, yes, you're going to see it, you're gonna feel it. But at the end of the day, it's not really about you, right. So those are two, my two top survival things I know, you know, obviously, self care and things of that nature. They are in the teachers lounge too, because you go going there to hear stories, and then that you know, everybody's gonna start feeding you things and create your own path and your own lane and your own perspective of what's happening inside of your classroom and inside your school community. But definitely don't stop learning.

Guy Stephens: 56:23

And you mentioned always learning. So I'm gonna ask one more question that's been a book or two that you would recommend to a teacher or a parent. Anything that comes to your mind? I know, you know, it's hard to get put on the spot. But what would jump out at you? No, no,

Dr. Damiso A. Josey: 56:38

no, no, I got a couple of them. Good to Great, um, was a great book, even though that's there the social sector book too, but it was more about business and things of that nature. But I think that was a good one. I learned a lot from I would recommend grit. But even though I may not necessarily agree with everything that she has to say, but just understanding that that concept of perseverance through is another good one. And I think there was another good one did I Oh, actually, I don't have her on my podcast to the invisible thread. And I can't remember the name of the author off the top of my head. But um, this story was about cheese was a advertising exec in New York City that walked by this homeless kid. I mean, every day she would walk by and one day, she stopped and offered them food. And then they long story short, they develop this relationship. And they were they came from two totally different worlds and to create this bond in about building relationships. So those were some of my top ones. Right?

Guy Stephens: 57:43

Yeah. It's always interesting to to hear. I want to shift gears, the empowerment perspective, let's say in there the empowerment. Yep, empowerment perspective. Tell me a little bit more about that. And kind of what you do through that. I know you do. In fact, that was on your podcast, as well. But tell me a little bit more about that work and kind of what you're doing there.

Dr. Damiso A. Josey: 58:03

So the idea came from the guy wrote the book Life music, and I needed a platform to push that book out, even though I didn't care if I sold one book or not, it was more about a self healing for me. So in writing that book that I got the idea of creating the empowerment perspective. And I was going around, I was getting solicited by schools to tell my story to their students, and you know, given them some keys to success, so that was kind of like the ground floor to it. Then I got into podcasting, right when podcasting was like getting hot, and things of that nature. So we were blowing up with that. Then I started to actually went to ACD. I can't remember the name of the conference. It was down in Atlanta one time and the guy Manny Scott, who the story Freedom Writers was about, and Los Angeles. And he went in he spoke, he was a keynote. And I was so moved by what he said. And I said, You know what, I'm going to come back to this conference next year and speak. So I applied for whatever, and I got accepted. It wasn't an Atlanta, so it was in Anaheim, California. So then I got on there. And then I was like, These people don't know me, and I was talking about, you know, I'm an assistant principal now when a new VP now. And I'm like, There's no one's gonna show up to the session. But it was a full session, there was a line out the door. And when I realized I got something no one left. I was like, Alright, no one got the session. So they must be wanting some kind of support, getting into other conferences. And then, because of my TV background, I started speaking to other organizations and companies and businesses. And then, you know, unfortunately, my real job gives away a lot of time. And I'm currently doing some work with the New Jersey Principals Association on cultural competence. So I've been going up and down the street in New Jersey doing some professional development with that. So it's just an outlet to give people some useful, useful information and all kinds of fun I'm working on a couple of the books that might be coming out hopefully soon.

Guy Stephens: 1:00:04

Oh, that's great. That's great. Well, be sure to share those when, when they're coming. And I've actually put a link to your, your live music in the chat as well. But as you're getting new things coming out, be sure to let us know. So I want to shift to kind of one final topic and those that are watching live. If you have any questions, feel free to put those in the chat. And we'll get through a couple of questions that we have some some time here. But the last thing I wanted to talk to you about is I want to come back to the beginning. And talk about family a little bit. So you know, you talked about kind of your experience, you talked about, you know, kind of some of the difficulty we went through and your your uncle and your father and kind of some some really difficult times, and you talked about the community, I want to circle back a family and kind of what, because what what I recall from talking to you is is the value that you have for your family. And I know a minute ago, I got to see a couple of your family members behind you there for a second. But But tell me how, because often, you know, I mean, again, you know, there's some really amazing things. And I guess, you know, when you live them, maybe they just seem like life, but but as an outsider, you know, looking in and thinking about, you know, the the situations that you were in and the difficulty, you know, in terms of, you know, trauma, abuse, and all of that. And, you know, it is really amazing. I mean, that group of friends that you mentioned, and the community, I mean, that's really amazing. And again, I'd almost say it's, it's an exception, not the norm. And then when you think about, you know, kind of abuse and families, those kinds of things can perpetuate as well. So much like when you went into the education, you know, kind of decided what you wanted to do. I know you have a big dedication of family. So you want to talk a little bit about kind of family and how you applied, you know, kind of the things that you've learned and how that applies back to your family?

Dr. Damiso A. Josey: 1:02:01

That's an interesting question. Because when I find though, obviously, I don't want my children to go through what I went through, right. So I think I was successful enough to keep them away from that particular trauma. But at some time, there's value in that, right. So I learned a lot about resiliency and overcoming obstacles. So what I have to do sometimes as manufacturers struggle for my kids, just so that they can feel it, I think a lot of parents will be quick to come in with that safety net. And you know, once I tell them all the times, at some point, you're not going to be here to save them, right, they got to fight some battles on their own. And as a parent, I tried to create those things safely. And it's one story that I tell my daughter was, we had to be seven, maybe my oldest, and she wanted to throw this birthday party for a friend that was moving. And I was like, You know what? And I said, alright, we'll give me the data, whatever. And I said, Well, how are you paying for it, she said, You're gonna pay for it, I said, this is what we're gonna do. You're going to put together a proposal, I want an itemized list of all the stuff that's going to cost and all this stuff. And I want you to add the money that you have in your bank account today. So she goes and gives me this list of spelling was all wrong, because he's seven, whatever and everything we researched the information and gave me a list of everything, right? So let's just say that the list came up to 100 hours. And she had $80 in their bank account. So I said I, you know, the seven year old I'm talking to I said, Well, where are you going to get down to 20 hours? She she was like, You're gonna give it to me? I said, Well, I'm gonna give it to you. But it's gonna be interest on top of that, and she had no idea what interest what I said was means you're gonna pay me back, but you're gonna pay me back a little bit more. And she was like, No, you know, like that, you're gonna loan it to her. She didn't say loan to you, are you gonna donate it to me? You don't have to pay me back if you donate it. So I was like, this is this kit. Of course, I had to give her the party. But my whole point is, I could have easily said yes. Right. So I just wanted them to go through a process of a little bit of struggle and eight seven, take have an understanding that sometimes you're not going to get what you want. So I tried to find these pockets of, you know, creating struggle for them. And I told them I'm not coming to the school unless I absolutely have to. So you have to figure it out. Right? And I'll get a phone call or email every once in a blue moon that your kid did this in order asked me to talk to this teacher you have to figure this out. You know, it's not that at any level 10 only went to the school one time where it was added level 10 it but but you got to create these pockets that that they have to create some sort of resiliency. I don't want them to go through what I went through, obviously, but I definitely want them to feel a little bit of a struggle there straight A students guarantee sports, they're into music, they do all kinds of stuff. They're active. They're just, I think genuinely good kids and a lot of that comes from the parents and modeling, you know those things for them.

Guy Stephens: 1:04:58

So how well did the party plan work? I mean, how old your daughter now? She's 14. Okay. And this she, does she still come up with proposals? Or does she still ask you for money a lot, because if this works, I need to apply because you know, it hasn't worked for me. I mean, it hasn't really worked for me now that you're 14 years old, I have a 13 year old. So I can imagine when I tell my 13 year old with a proposal, like my 17 year old, now for quite some time has his own little business, and the kid probably has more money in his checking account than I do. So.

Dr. Damiso A. Josey: 1:05:34

For me, the conversation changed. And now we're talking about stocks and playing the stock market report your own portfolios that they run themselves are 14 and 12 more money in their portfolios than I do. But the conversation has changed, right? So the one my oldest daughter, we were coming in the COVID area was coming back outside and I said, Well, what company do you want to invest in? I said, think about what's happening in the world. She said, well, people were going to go out and start putting makeup on. So I want to invest in Ulta. So I gave her a little bit of money. And it blew up a little bit. I was like so these are the conversations now that I'm starting to have with

Guy Stephens: 1:06:07

my son and I did something very similar. And I put so we did two little portfolios, same same platform. And you know, I gave him some money to get started with and he was earning money. And his stocks have consistently outperformed mine. At one point, he made a $50 investment in AMC. That turned into $1,000. Wow. And he drew it out. He took that money out and put it somewhere else. But you know, the kid was doing great with it. I mean, because yeah, there was a book, Peter Peter something I don't remember who it was, but beat the street or something. No, it wasn't that. But there was a Peter Lynch, I think it was. And it was about something that I used to do in school where we did we do these mock stocks. And I remember the kids would basically buy the things that they loved, and they would typically outperform the market. You know, really, really choose the thing. So, you know, you might be on some some good advice there. And in terms of let the kids make the investments for us. Yeah,

Dr. Damiso A. Josey: 1:07:08

long story short, again, what I tried to do is put them in situations to help them and also that they struggle and learn and learn a little bit from in a safe way. You know what I mean? So I think that's from my childhood growing up, and things of that nature. That's what I'm bringing to them as a as a parent.

Guy Stephens: 1:07:26

That's great. That's great. Well, listen, I don't want to take up any more your time, because I know this is kind of the in between holiday week here after after Christmas. And with New Year's coming. And you're you're in Virginia for now for the evening. Yes. So you don't have to travel until tomorrow, right? Up the trip. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, we're making the trek back up on Saturday. So that'll be fun. But But I really appreciate you coming in and sharing some time with us here. You know, and you know, I love you know, your story and what you've been doing and you know, the work that you have in education and really appreciate the kind of approach and ideas that you're out there talking about and, and the the life that you're out there living and doing good things. Really a pleasure to have you here today. And again, just want to thank you for joining us. Do you have any final words before we wrap up?

Dr. Damiso A. Josey: 1:08:18

I guess my final words is really simple. For everyone that's out there, you know, this beat great, do the best that you possibly can do master your craft, and build some relationships and make some people smile every once in a while. You know, the world needs it right now.

Guy Stephens: 1:08:34

So that's right. That's right. Well, I love I love what you the story about being in WaWan. And of course, that that made me reflect on the, you know, the nature of the names of those stores, wherever they be, you know, I mean, somebody at one point said, We want to make grown men say Wawa. Or call our store Wawa there. There you go. All right. Well, thank you so much. Great having you and great talking. Again, I want to remind our viewers that, you know, we'll be back again in two weeks with another great live event. And Dr. Z thank you so much and enjoy the rest of your holiday and off to a Happy New Year. Awesome. Appreciate you guys. Thank all right. Appreciate you. Take care. Bye